| Citation |
BEP(F.754.025
26 Aug 1754:11 (991)
From the London Magazine for June, 1733. 'Squire Bavins,
The English are famous for some particular art more than
most other nations; some for cutting of capers, some for
cutting of purses, some for cutting for the stone, some for
cutting of throats, you for cutting out other people's
faults; but none but myself, in the three Kingdoms, has the
art to cut people for the simples. I therefore desire you
to give the following public notice, and, in return for such
a favour, I will cut your worship gratis.
To all Christian people to whom these presents shall come,
greeting, know ye, that for the particular utility of all
simpletons, ninnihammers, vian coxcombs, beaux, prudes,
country squires, and all others of the same tribe; . . . I
do assure them, that I am not only alive, but in bodily
health, and perform daily cures upon numbers of patients. I
have great variety of instruments, made in different
countries, some in France, some in Cappadocia, some in
Utopia, and some in the moon. I perform every operation
without pain, loss of blood, or hindrance of business:
Therefore let none dispair, but come in time and fear
nothing.
As to the ass cuckold, that takes his ears for his horns,
I divide the cranium, cut into the glandula pinealis, let
out the jealous humour, and cure all again in half an hour's
time. . . [6 lines] It is too tedious to name the several
sorts of simpletons; but in general I cut citizens that long
to be knightyed; parents that give the staff out of their
own hands, and depend upon their children for subsistence;
wives that part with their jointures; husbands that intend
to leave their wives sole executors, with full power to
portion their children;. . . [4th line up from bottom of
same para.] and all men of business that frequent cock
matches, horse races, masquerades, balls, and plays; and in
a word, all the fools in the nation. no cure, no money.
Note, a lamp is over my door in the evening.
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